My "All-Time Baseball Names" Lineup
My "All-Time Baseball Names" Lineup
Remember, this is my list, not yours!
The illustrious history of professional baseball dates back to 1869, when the Cincinnati Red Stockings were officially formed. Despite this, Major League Baseball wasn’t technically a thing until the American and National Leagues merged in 1903.
Either way, the sport of baseball has a deep past rooted in everything from breaking a color barrier, a bird being picked out of the sky by a warm-up fastball, and a 71-year-old billy goat curse.
Since I still have a week before I head back to college, and I have nothing better to do, I’ll be dissecting (in my opinion) the greatest “baseball name” lineup of all time.
This has nothing to do with on-field production and the only qualification is an appearance in one game.
1. Coco Crisp, CF
I mean, his name sounds like a cereal brand… that’s all you need to know. Crisp doesn’t just hold one of the greatest baseball names in the history of the sport. He was a speedy outfielder who could do well in the leadoff spot for any club.
The fun-to-say alliteration’s on-field game is a bit of a lost art in baseball today. Crisp didn’t supply much pop but swiped a ton of bags. His career high in stolen bases was an impressive 49 in 2011 with Oakland.
2. Moonlight Graham, RF
If you don’t know who Moonlight Graham is, I urge you to stop reading this piece and do one of two things: watch Field of Dreams, or read Shoeless Joe.
Sure, he only played in one MLB inning way back in 1905, but that’s all Graham needs to be a part of this list. Despite not having an at-bat, I’m sliding Graham in the two-hole because of the sacrifice fly he hit in the Field of Dreams movie — you can’t teach that kind of unselfishness.
Maybe I’m just a sucker for one of the best baseball movies ever created.
3. Dan Uggla, 2B
Not only did Uggla rake during his 10-year career, he possibly has my favorite baseball name of all time. This is an easy one for me.
Averaging 28 HR across a 162-game pace, the Marlins infielder had the perfect combination of power and thick eye black to look ever-so imposing. Something about his name just scratches my brain the right way.
4. Pee Wee Reese, SS
One of two Hall of Famers to make my list, Pee Wee Reese gets the nod. It’s a goofy nickname for someone named Harold Henry, but Reese was a great man in and outside of the ballpark.
Reese played for the Brooklyn Dodgers from 1940-1958 and took three years of his career off to serve in the military during World War II.
His name rolls off the tongue well and was dubbed after marble ads appeared alongside his baseball heroics in the local Louisville newspapers. However, nothing compared to his discipline at the plate. The elite defender finished with a stellar 1210 career walks compared to 890 strikeouts.
5. Boog Powell, 1B
Standing at a towering six-foot-four, and weighing 230 pounds, Powell was an absolute presence in the batter’s box during his MLB career and is now in my all-time names lineup.
A two-time World Series champ, and the 1970 AL MVP with Baltimore, Powell’s first name carries him into this lineup. A delicious food stand in Camden Yards called “Boogs BBQ” is even dedicated to him today. He struck 339 career homers.
6. Bud Weiser, LF
Ignore Weiser’s career -0.8 rWAR and the fact that he played from just 1915 to 1916. This is an all-time baseball name for one fact, and one fact only: he’s named after a beer.
According to Webstaurantstore.com, about 14.6 million alcoholic beverages are sold at MLB stadiums each year. That’s enough to fill an Olympic-sized swimming pool and then some. The sport and the beverage go hand-in-hand all summer long.
7. Kevin Kouzmanoff, 3B
As an avid player of ‘MLB Power Pros 2008’ back when I owned a Wii, Kouzmanoff of the Padres was one of my go-to players whenever I did a dream draft.
His name is also an alliteration, and whenever I think of those Padres camouflage uniforms, Kouz pops into my head first.
I’m still upset he posted a 183 OPS+ in his last MLB season in 2014.
8. Dick Dietz, C
This one does not require an explanation.
9. Old Hoss Radbourn, P
For the sake of this list, I felt the need to include a pitcher on the mound for my make-believe lineup, as opposed to a designated hitter since lots of these players were around before the DH was.
A name like “Old Hoss” just makes me go into a blast from the past, Radbourn played pro ball before airplanes were a thing.
He collected 310 career wins on the rubber and a whopping 60 back in 1884. Radbourn is my second and final Hall of Famer to make my squad.